Emily M. Butler-Morton
Author, "Care Enough to Know-Keep Your Parents Safe"
Mail Tribune, Monday, September 28, 23009
By Bill Kettler
Working in the senior-living industry, Emily Butler-Morton often saw a gap between what people were promised and what they actually received.
The Talent woman wanted to do something to help people choose a senior-living community that really met their needs. She gathered her experience to put together a self-published book she called "Care Enough to Know: Keep Your Parents Safe."
Butler-Morton worked in a number of senior-living centers over the span of 25 years. "Some places were better than others," she says. "I finally decided I needed to tell people what to ask (to find the best fit)."
She says elders who are looking for a new living situation, and the adult children who help them, often don't do enough research on their own before they find themselves in a disappointing living situation.
"They don't know how to ask about food, or personal safety, or medical care," she said. "Some don't bother to ask if meals are included in the rent, or whether there's assigned seating at meals.
"They don't look in the kitchen to see if it's dirty," she says, "or pay attention to how the wait staff is dressed, or whether the floors are clean."
The range of senior-living options has expanded as the elder population has grown. Butler-Morton says people have to decide what level of care they need as well as how much independence they want to preserve. In the book she explains how to decide whether someone should move into an independent living center or choose an assisted-living center, a skilled-nursing facility, or a memory care center.
In a chapter called "Ask, Look and Do" she provides checklists that be used to evaluate a site's food offerings, costs, and medical-care options.Talking to people who live and work at a site is important, too, she says. "You interview the residents. You interview the staff. You ask how long the administrator has been there."
Financial information beyond monthly costs also should be investigated. Butler-Morton suggests obtaining a financial statement for each site under consideration and even searching living centers by name on the Internet for any news stories that might indicate problems.
Butler-Morton recommends evaluating at least three living centers to make a good choice. For adult children who don't have the time to do that, consultants (including Butler-Morton) are available for a fee.
Butler-Morton says one of the hardest aspects of moving to senior living is knowing when it's time to make the move. That decision can be difficult because most people want to stay in their own home forever. Adult children who also are involved in the decision may not want to acknowledge their parents' declining health, or may worry about the costs of care.
"It's a decision of will, not the heart," she explains.
There's often guilt involved, too, if adult children feel like they ought to be able to care for their parents, or if parents feel like they're becoming a burden for their children.
She says the biggest issue for older people to overcome is the notion that they're moving to the place where they're going to die. Adult children need to try to help them feel better about the changes they're making.
"What they're doing is not a party," she says. "It's never really going to be like home. They have to understand that."
The book is available from online from Amazon.com for $19.95 and Butler-Morton's Web site, www.theparentcare.net.
Emily Butler-Morton also teaches a class called "Making Wise Choices about Senior Living" at Rogue Community College. The class is scheduled to meet on from 6 to 8 p.m. on Oct. 6, 13 and 20, in Room 130A at the Higher Education Center at RCC's downtown Medford campus. Tuition is $58, but a second person attending the class with you can register for free. For registration information, call 245-7616.
Reach reporter Bill Kettler at 776-4492 or e-mail bkettler@mailtribune.com.
WHAT INDIVIDUALS ARE SAYING:
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Madeline Hill, Found of the award winning senior living community in Ashland Oregon...."What a wonderful service you are doing for the community. I will pass the word". (Purchased books for all of staff to read)
I work for a company that manages a number of senior living communities, and I just finished reading your book. I think it provides a lot of helpful information, and I would like to help promote it.
Melanie Jongsma
Director of Communications
Providence Life Services
by Melanie Jongsma, Director of Communications
Emily M. Butler-Morton is a marketer with a heart. She spent 25 years in various marketing positions with various senior living communities. During that time, she helped hundreds of seniors and their families through the process of first accepting the idea of moving into a retirement community, and then finding the perfect community to move to. She has distilled her experience into a small, helpful paperback titled
Care Enough to Know—Keep Your Parents Safe.
I just finished reading this book, and I think it's a valuable resource. Emily's experience as a former "insider" in the senior living industry gives her a unique perspective. As a marketer, her job was to attract people to whatever senior community she was working for, and to present them with the information she felt would persuade them to move in. Her integrity and sincere desire to help people are the motivation behind her book. As she writes in her Foreword:
"My role as Marketing/Community Relations Director in various communities...has included encouraging members of a somewhat vulnerable age group (56 and up) to make a major life change by moving into some type of congregate living for seniors. I moved these people in with a clear conscience, thinking that I was helping them and believing that they would receive the services as promised. ...In many cases this turned out to be true, but in other instances I found myself cringing in the face of reality as I observed the poor quality of service provided to folks I had promised a better life to, folks who trusted me. This has bothered me to the point of knowing I must speak out. ...That is my sole purpose for writing this book."
The 115-page paperback includes chapters such as:
- Know How to Begin
- Who Should Live in a Senior Living Community?
- Know the Choices
- Know the Obstacles
- Know How Care Levels are Determined
Emily's "Care Enough to Ask, Look, and Do" chapter is particularly helpful. It is made up of a series of questions that people should ask of any retirement community they are considering. The questions are divided into categories such as Food, Financial, Safety, and Comfort, and the author gives some action steps on the best way to gather the information. "Visit at odd times," she says, for example, "late at night and on weekends. How many staff members are working?" She also suggests interviewing current residents to find out what they like and don't like about the community.
Throughout the book, Emily includes stories from her own experiences to illustrate her points. The stories help readers to visualize the outcomes of applying Emily's tips, and, in some cases, they serve as examples of what can happen when wrong decisions are made. All the stories are true, though the names have been changed.
If you anticipate needing to find a senior living community for yourself or your parents, I recommend reading
Care Enough to Know before you begin. The book is available at the author's website,
www.theparentcare.net, or from Amazon.com.
After you've read it, I'd love to hear your own review of it! Post a comment below.
M. Hill, Owner of Mountain Meadows Retirement Community in Ashland, Oregon, "Your book is wonderful and a real help to those considering retirement living". (purchased bulk order for staff to read)
Willowcreek president, Fee Stubblefield. "The book is an excellent tool for anyone working in the senior living business."
Members of Faith Community Nurses Association in Southern Oregon. "This is information the every family member should know before the time arrives"
" I wish I would have had this book last year when I went through the agonizing experience of moving Dad to an assisted living community" L. Anderson
